An Undivided Heart
I have never claimed to be a perfect person, but there was definitely a season of my life where my ‘rough edges’ were more pronounced than I hope they are today.
When I was growing up my dad was a pastor and the requirements for any poor boy I wanted to date was absolutely ridiculous. That ‘potential boyfriend’ was first required to fill out a handwritten, 4-page questionnaire, FRONT AND BACK. Once he had completed it, he would submit the questionnaire to my dad’s secretary and she would set up an interview for the boy to meet with my dad and discuss the many expectations for dating me.
As you can imagine there weren’t a bunch of High School boys lining up to be my boyfriend and go through all of that trouble….but that sure didn’t stop me from flirting with them.
I can remember one year in particular that I chose to ‘beat the system’ with several boys by not calling them my boyfriend but instead calling them my fiancé. (Remember….I was in High School, so it made sense to my 16-year-old brain.) There was one boy that I had met at a church trip in Tennessee (you know how love happens quick on those church trips) that I would instant-message with that I called my ‘fiance’, another boy in my student ministry, and one more at my High School….all at the same time. (Remember – I had some rough edges growing up. Thank goodness for Jesus!) Everything seemed to work out just fine with the three of them until Valentine’s Day rolled around. I’ll never forget walking in the door after a full day of school and my mom sitting at the kitchen counter with a big smirk on her face. Curious, I walked back into my bedroom only to discover three different bouquets of flowers that had been delivered to me for Valentine’s Day….and all three cards read: “Happy Valentine’s Day! -Your fiancé.” I wanted to die inside and of course I had some explaining to do with my parents. The worst, though, was making phone calls to all the floral shops as I attempted to figure out which boy sent which bouquet. (Can you just imagine the person on the other end of the phone – “Umm..Hi. I was sent 3 different bouquets of flowers today from 3 different boys that think they are my fiancé. Can you tell me where the bouquet you sent was from?”…..yeah….it wasn’t my best moment.)
Of course, we laugh about how ridiculous I was as a teenager, but the truth is that I think we all tend to have moments like this at one time or another. If we’re honest, we all have moments where we allow our hearts to be distracted and split. Moments where we divide out our time, focus, and energy to different things, rather than keeping our heart and mind fixated on Jesus only.
That’s what David was begging God for when he asked for an ‘undivided heart’ in Psalm 86:11. David’s desire was that his heart would become one with the LORD. He didn’t want to be sidetracked or tripped up by the things in his world that begged for his attention, but instead wanted each of his steps to bring him closer to God. That’s what I so desperately want. I want to be laser-focused and filled with His great love for me so that I splash His love toward everyone around me. I want His love to be all I want, all I need, and all I desire.
Sweet friend – where you do you find yourself, today? Are you allowing your heart to be split by all the things this world is throwing at you, or are you fixated and completely focused on the great love that only comes from Jesus? Valentine’s Day can be a really hard day if we’re looking for someone to fill up our ‘love tank’ because only God offers the kind of love that is steadfast, unchanging, and always available.
Let’s all check our hearts today, and walk into this new month with a mind that is focused and a heart that is completely held by Jesus. Let’s begin this new month like David, praying and asking God to give us an undivided heart, and may we begin each morning by truthfully declaring I “Praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart! (Psalm 86:12)